Alright my arm hurts, so let me try and be short

+Years of work, recovery, practice, healing....
+I see that even with boundaries and avoidance, unfollowing, no comment reading etc,
Just Realized I Can't 100% Eliminate All Triggers

+A question from AI was, "What would it take for you to have peace in your mind, even when a trigger gets through?"
So, when someone's words, or even millions of people's words I aint reading but you know the words are there, when they are picking at and opening my wounds....
What will it take at that moment, for me to not hurt, or to hurt less, or find peace?

+So this is when I realized hmmmm, wow, well, it looks like I need to have another level deeper than just general boundaries and other tools I used, I need to have even sharper tools

+So this is where I choose to view those people as low vibrational

+Wait, I'm not even back on the topic, let me get back to the topic..

The way my mind works, is I can see how patterns and facts all relate to each other. 
+Nothing exists in a vacuum, everything in life affects something else, cause and effect, ripple effects, all types of years and years of systems, experiences etc shape the outcomes we see with our own eyes

+So when it comes to crime and race, or my race with anything negative, the only thing visible is the outcome (crime, health issues, etc) and thus, low vibrational people automatically pair negativity with my race

+It's idiotic, but at this point, I can't keep letting it enrage me

+All the stereotypes and negativity that my race believes about my own race, or just anyone usually a Black celebrity being brutally pounded on in the comments and online, it would kill me inside because I could literally see death in the comments

+Basically, words lead to death. That's just a fact. 

+And my mind would take that fact and give these people's negative words all this power of

+As long as yall keep regurgitating lies about millions of people based on stupid ass skin color; (we dont cook healthy, we dont act right, we dont talk right, we dont grow our food, we dont get married) I mean, you can literally type out a novel's worth.
All those beliefs absolutely are what governments use to wipe people off the Earth

+1st) dehumanize them. And if you dehumanize people based on land, religion, sexuality...and in our case race, not just skin color but the made up race hierarchy, once you dehumanize them you can't do anything to them without feeling guilty

+So basically, when I see the way Blk people talk about Blk people, I would get so enraged, my nervous system...we know, it's been years of recovery but I would already be in fight mode from my own past. Now that I'm regulating my nervous system, which takes daily and I mean dont skip a day, daily work, part of my life...
I'm able to continue to transform into another way of being, besides "fight fight fight" Educate, enrich, empower, save the children, divest from this and that,....

+Chile, invest in my mind that's all I can do.
So anyway, I'm learning that even if something is a 100% fact, that doesnt mean it should be able to eat me alive and keep me miserable and in a cyclical state of getting myself better, only to see my race continuing to do the same thing, with all these wars and corruption going on...I see FB friends still talking about how "we" (I hate that shit, you mean, "you"), but "we must do better and stop wearing bonnets and houseshoes outside."

+Literally...all the things going on, and this is what you hoes choose to post about?

+No matter how much I unfollow, someone somewhere, that shit still pops up and I am barely on social but like one of the AI said, even if I never read another comment I would still be in the same place because the hurt lives inside of me

+So hurt lives inside of me, think of what's inside of them?

+There is absolutely no way to even have these people realize, first, who the fuck cares what they think?
Then it's like, you are what you post.

Great quote from Jenifer Lewis,
"Want to know who you are? Read your comments.?"

+So consider all the slop in their minds that make them bypass all this information and happenings in the world, and then post about what another woman wearing on her head.
So low vibrational.

+But I am finally able to shift these people so far from me, that it doesn't enrage me as much

+Cause my therapist said a few years ago, "We have to think about why we are mad about what someone else believes."

+So they'll never examine why they posting about what some woman who aint their daughter wears on her head, they'll never be self aware, bu tthe question is, why does my ass get so mad and want to fight them based on them being judgmental.
What's going on in me?

+And it was because tearing someone down like that, just goes on and on no matter if it's hair, nails, clothes, bonnets...they not seeing a person, they're seeing what they were taught to see; and when you act based on what you are taught and not what you think for yourself, then you write these people off as less than deserving...less than deserving of basic respect, and we know eventually, what this leads to

+All types of horrendous injustices in the world, didn't necessarily start automatically as intricate as they are now. It started with a belief here and there, until it all builds up into the way society functions

+And it's like imagine these people on their jobs with some vulnerable person who needs their help.
If they judging online, they doing the same everywhere else
And when I sit down on my computer, in my own comfort and home, why am I putting energy towards another woman's body?

Now this applies to everything....all the people watching police brutality videos judging someone's last life moments...this is for everything.
In your own space, judging people you will never meet.
It's absolutely insane.
+They feed the systems, keep the same systems strong that's adamant on taking everyone out-some groups quicker than others.

+Now I am training myself to not look at these people's comments as having life or death power, cause yes words are spells, words are everything even legally...your words in a court of law are the difference between guilty and not guilty, so it's the same thing on a spiritual level. Going back through someone's comments and seeing whether they speak, or excuse me, their little "opinions"....promote life or death

+And while I'm 100% correct that people's words uphold systems, well those same systems they are upholding also hurts their lives too.

+This goes for yt people who also may have benefits here and there, but if they're not wealthy, then I'm like how do you not realize you ain't valued by "your country" (the system) no more than the country values someone like me.

+But, those first few years of life shape so much about us; as I outlined in another post. Even before words are spoken, a child's brain is being shaped by all types of environmental factors

+And people develop survival defenses, and they are so adapted to these defenses, it's become a part of their identity

+Same for me, but I know that when something is not serving me anymore, not helping me anymore, I find change.

+I'm self-aware and always have been.

+So even though I was an advocate for victims and equality; and even just as simple as posting beautiful, uplifting quotes and Black art and content, etc, once I realized that making those posts was not helping fill any void in me, and was not helping me feel good, I stopped and transformed to something else

+But my therapist said too...ego boost, dopamine surge...etc, those folks feel powerful pounding down on someone else

+So, it's like, why am I giving these people, of all people, words that much power?
Technically, it's true. All words have power, unfortunately negative way more so than positive.
It can be just 2 people in a room, and think you can say something crazy without consequences?

I mean usually that's why in public we smile "thank you have a nice day" "excuse me" etc.

+So yes, words will always matter. My brain's survival instinct is to hyperfocus on facts, well baby those facts HURT! 
Facts are too big, it's too much for my mind to look at everything based on systems that have been place for centuries and are airtight at this point

+The systems dont even need these little online cretins, so yeah their negativity feeds into the systems but also, it has to be eating them alive

+You cannot act like that online, somewhere you dont even have to be, talking about people who dont even know you exist and man the venom these hoes have....so just imagine how they are with the people they do know.

+If they're not self aware enough to examine why they're posting they little "opinions" about some stranger's life, I can imagine the absolute mess they sitting in while they're posting.
Sitting in literal mess!!

+Being able to reach this enlightenment helps me to stop giving their words so much power

So much for keeping it short, but at least my words are not my "opinions" about someone's bonnet, or love life, or education, or whatever.... but my words are for me and the betterment of my life