After way too much heartbreak this year, not personal level heartbreak, but heartbreak regarding living in this type of world that has a problem with people who look like me, including people who look like me having a problem with us...it's just been too much. It was personal level pain beyond reason.
Almost everyone close to me had been talking about how extra challenging November has been especially.
So going into the holidays, I just wanted everything to work out as far as my immediate/closest family all coming together under the same roof for the first time in about 7 years maybe?
Happens way too rare since we've all moved to different areas. However, we were on the same page and had schedules cleared and all the hoopla it takes for everyone to come under the same roof for any day, including Thanksgiving.
We had a long drive, and I was just so nervous and wanting everything to work out. Knowing we were leaving at 5 am to go pick up other relatives, then having a 5 hour drive after that, I just couldn't sleep at all the night before.
I just wanted everything to work out and wanted everyone to have a good time...with smiles, loud laughs, giggles, warm hugs, healthy bodies...and yeah, all that is before you get to the food. (We had an incredible seafood boil!!)
Not only did I fail to fall asleep the night before, during the drive, I only slept about 30 minutes in the car. And this is still after taking a sleep aid the night before. Can we say nervous?
Maybe the nervousness obviously was related to having had so much heartbreak and still having sadness regarding the election results and all the other injustices from recently. Knowing family health and happiness is the only reason my heart still beats, I didn't want anything major to go wrong. Come on now, can we get back to normalcy, simplicity, joy and just again....NORMACLY!
I had been on edge so much and dealing with so much on my personal healing journey which kept being setback by all this world stuff....it all had to be why I needed this family gathering to be beautiful and that it was!!
Everything went wonderful. There was also extra nerves because of aging family traveling far, and you wanted them to be okay because it can be a bit more challenging for them.
The kids are big now, and wanted to go out in that cold and do young people things like just be out and about. They went to, I can't remember that name, somewhere in Atlanta with a nice, amazing Christmas tree and bowling alley and things like that, lol! Then they came home and then decided to go to a late movie to see Venom.
I'm so glad everything went wonderfully and they enjoyed themselves, out and about, being free!!!!! And enjoying their youth!
Me....I was dealing with perimenopausal issues, and that major lack of sleep. I've definitely slept like a baby since then though, woooh. Well let's change that. Most of the babies in my family never really slept all that great, so we need to come up with a new saying lol.
Unfortunately we couldn't get to the replay of Macy's Parade. You know how these days it's not automatic that you get regular TV. So we tried to put in our information to use the Peacock app, and since we were at a different location it was all types of problems. Anyway...hopefully next year the person who really wanted to watch Macy's will be able to. It's such a tradition!!
Technology is needed in many instances, but most of the time it really just messes things up and makes simple things more complicated.
Healing?
Thankfully...
Key thing is, I'm feeling a lot better about Kamala now. She deserved to win, and this injustice really set me back from my healing, so I'm glad that my heart is feeling much more put back together now after seeing how wonderfully all my family is doing and the time we spent together.
Disconnecting
Part of my healing is making sure I disconnect from tying my well-being to "groups." I cannot make it through if I continue to internalize and personalize my groups' experiences.
Ugh. So I have to work hard to remember that I am ME, not a group. All that said, regarding this horrific election I felt destroyed only for Kamala, because she's a good person who was overqualified. To lose to someone like that guy...in that way....? Just stings extra. He should have long been disqualified and locked up.
But, he's allowed simply because after Obama, they are allowing anyone that helps them hold on to their fake sense of superiority. They not even superior to a tick!
Anyway, had I not liked her so much there's no way on Earth I would have been invested in anything regarding this country or world. Unfortunately, she was the perfect package for me to just go all in so deeply....but never ever ever again as long as I live, will I fall in some type of trance because I love a candidate so much. Knowing that I had completely divested from this nation, with very few exceptions of what could affect me directly (Like police brutality, reparations etc)
I was done years ago and I'm still done!! And will forever be done. I cant imagine why those other types complain so much...the right wing rules everything, anti-blackness rules the globe, so again, why are they always yapping their damn sloppy germy mouths about everything. Ugh
So again, I'm trying to feel better about Kamala and only Kamala, and it's coming slowly but much better since my lovely family time!
Goal
To type type type, talk talk talk, think think think...live live live without "the other side" taking up any space in my thoughts, mind, spirit and getting all my life to feeling back beautiful again
To be able to fully enjoy my little online space without remembering or caring about any of the horrible people that plague the rest of the Internet, social media and world
It's taking time, might even take a year or 2, but we will do this! We will get there.
😀🦋🦋
