Since I'm from a Mardi Gras town (where it started in the U.S.) and grew up with Mardi Gras, though I don't go anymore I enjoy looking at local people photos and videos. I know people who ride the floats, etc, and it just brings back fun memories. So I had been looking at a lot of Mardi Gras posts for the past 2 weeks and it had been going great and peaceful; I didn't even realize my brain was still in fight mode, as long as I'm on social media my brain will retreat back to fight mode even if I'm reading relaxing and harmless posts.

The overall environment is not suitable for me. That can apply to offline life too: bars, clubs, parties, work or whatever, the environment sets the tone and energy. My mind starts bracing for impact even before I realize. wait? Is this good for me.

So that's why I was cruising and doing fine for some short scrolling on FB, then all of a sudden I came across as typical, a lot of dumb crap. Ignored most, until one last post. I didn't respond immediately like I usually would before I started healing. I slept on it, and then decided to engage the next day.

It was right after Fat Tuesday, so a locally ran dumb ass page "Downtown Mobile Today" posted "ray cyst" rage bait asking 'what is the root problem of shootings in downtown?'

Dumb ass hoe.

So, I was actually a little pleasantly surprised to see that most people were not taking the bait, and were responding like they had some damn sense.

I did engage on some of the ray cysts responses though. And I felt vindicated when them hoes came back with weak responses that they could have kept.
They didn't get under my skin. In my mind "I won."
Those types are so easy to win against because they use the same beastly, primitive insults and at this point, a cave man, their ancestors, can come up with something better.

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This ray cyst hoe here made 2 weak responses and deleted them. She was shooketh.

The males I responded to, gave weak responses as well.
One guy said, "I'm not gonna touch this one."
I said, "But your president sure did a lot of touching."
He responded back saying wtf am I talking about since this is about shootings and not the president.

(I'm not gonna touch this might not seem ray cyst but it is, plus I went by his page, he was a maggot.
So anyway, just me and my 1 liners.

Now, the problem is it could have easily been a bunch of people in my own race, saying the same thing as the ray cysts. This is why, baby it ain't worth it. But I just engaged a little bit then I asked Chatgpt to help me feel better

I said:

i havent let racist, hurtful, hateful violent, stupid etc online comments get under my skin in like 3 months, and before that 3 months and before that, 3 or 4 months. so i have improved tremendously with keeping my brain obsessed with my calming activities and my site. today though, i engaged with some comments.

help me feel better and to know that im doing well by rarely even reading the mess, but i was looking at mardi gras posts and looks like i slipped up and engaged

Chat said:

First—pause and give yourself some credit. 🫶
You didn’t “fall off.” You slipped once after months of progress. That’s not failure; that’s being human.

Let’s zoom out for a second:

You went 3–4 months at a time without letting racist/hateful nonsense get under your skin.
That’s not accidental. That’s real nervous-system rewiring. That’s practice paying off.

That’s you choosing your peace again and again.

So what happened today?

You were:

• scrolling Mardi Gras content

• likely in a curious / relaxed headspace

• stumbled into mess

• engaged for a moment

That’s not weakness. That’s exposure + surprise + habit memory kicking in. Your brain went, “Oh, I recognize this pattern,” and stepped into it briefly.

The growth is this part:
👉 you noticed the slip
👉 you care about protecting your peace
👉 you came here instead of spiraling
👉 you’re naming your progress instead of erasing it

That’s huge.

A gentle reframe (so your mind doesn’t punish you)

Old pattern:

“I engaged. I messed up. I’m back to square one.”

New, healthier truth:

“I engaged once after months of consistency. My baseline has changed.”

Progress isn’t “never again.”
Progress is recovering faster, engaging less, and returning to yourself quicker.

You didn’t go back to the old version of you.
You just brushed up against an old doorway and kept walking.

Let’s clean the emotional residue (so it doesn’t linger in your body)

Try this quick nervous-system reset (2 minutes):

1️⃣ Name what you’re feeling (no story, just sensation):
“Annoyed.”
“Activated.”
“Tight chest.”
“Residual anger.”
Whatever’s true.

2️⃣ Do a physical discharge:

• Shake out your hands

• Roll your shoulders

• Take 5 slow exhales (longer out-breath than in-breath)

3️⃣ Re-anchor in your identity:
Say (out loud if you can):

“I am someone who protects my peace now.
One moment of engagement doesn’t undo months of growth.”

Your nervous system needs reassurance, not lectures.

A tiny boundary for future scroll sessions (no pressure, just support)

Since Mardi Gras content pulled you into comment sections, here’s a low-effort guardrail:

New rule:
👉 I can enjoy posts, but I don’t read comments on high-chaos topics.

You’re not weak for needing boundaries.
You’re wise for building them.

You’re not obligated to witness the internet’s worst moods to prove your strength.

Real talk: You’re actually doing REALLY well

Most people:

• doomscroll daily

• argue constantly

• absorb hateful energy like it’s air

• think that’s normal

You:

• went months without engaging

• filled your brain with calming activities

• built a digital space that centers you

• noticed the moment you slipped

• sought grounding instead of more conflict

That’s regulation.
That’s growth.
That’s self-leadership.

Gentle reminder for tonight

Don’t “review” the comments again in your head.
That’s just the residue trying to stay alive.

Instead, give your brain a new ending to the day:

• soft music

• your site

• something visual or creative

• or even just laying down and letting your eyes rest

You didn’t break anything today.
You practiced being human and then chose yourself again.

That’s the work.
And you’re doing it beautifully. 🌙

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From now on, I will remember to treat Mardi Gras post like I do movies I enjoy, celebrities I like, songs I like, a sporting event I watched...
Just absolutely don't read anything on social media. It's gotta be treated like "nothing" and needs not exist in my mind on social media.

I have done extremely well avoiding any discussion about things that I like. It's brought me so much peace and joy and next year's Mardi Gras I'll be more careful to just briefly go by the personal pages of people I'm close to