My husband said this to me the other night 😽🥰❣️

And he is talking about me being physically beautiful-my face and my body.

Revisiting My Past Through Trauma-Informed Therapy

While I am on this journey where I'm going back in time and with the help of a trauma-informed therapist, I am examining what felt partially wrong about some of the "pretty and beautiful" comments I've received from boys and men

Why Compliments From Men Felt So Different

My therapist asked me why am I comfortable with receiving beauty compliments from women and children, but uncomfortable with the compliments from men. I thought it was just natural to be skeptical of men, especially since I am not the Hollywood beauty standard. 

Why would he ask why I am uncomfortable being called beautiful by men? I thought I was supposed to be uncomfortable. I mean, they're men so are you kidding me?

The Intensity Behind Those Compliments

I have begun to realize that comments from boys and men were not "just comments or just compliments," but they sometimes came with too much intensity. This intensity made the comments feel intimate in nature, and that was often just too much for me to understand. Because the attention started so young, I never had time to naturally grow and explore my appearance for myself before becoming such a target.

I'm also learning how to move forward and fully embrace these comments without any trauma I had at the time of the comments, clouding my view.

My series, "Beauty is Not a Fairytale" is tremendously helping me learn so much!

More to come, eventually

Right now I'm trying to better understand where my therapist is coming from regarding some of the things he's said, like saying, my experiences are rare.

A Lot of Danger

"You were beautiful and it made you a target." 

Important Notes and Boundaries
Note: I was never hurt. Also, I will never over-share and go into detail because doing so does not bring healing and only worries the people who love me. 

(Race)
Another note: I had problems with Black and white males, but the interesting thing is I was not even around whites that much yet I still as my therapist said, "attracted too much attention." And one of my most traumatic, life-changing incidents was regarding a white man. 
Academic setting, so anyway...moving on.

So it's literally just about which group you are around the most, and of course my Black ass was primarily around Black people.
(I like saying "Black ass" because I like the way it flows lol).

Also way way back then in the 1980's and early 1990s, integration was still a new thing. It's unbelievable that my parents were in segregated schools until the 70's when the government forced the Black kids to go to white schools. So with my generation X, those of us who went to school in 1980s were really the first generation to be integrated starting in Elementary school.

Somewhat integrated.

My therapist said I still grew up in an economically segregated neighborhood. Again like I said, wasn't around whites that much. And I ain't miss nothing just being honest, I loved my all Black environment until the government brought the drugs in but good Lord that's another trauma topic.

To this day, I miss having neighbors like the kind where you spend a lot of time together. I miss that. These days, you don't even know what your neighbors look like. Sad.

Anyway as I got older and started being around whites more, particularly in college I realized that in my experience, some white men act extremely fascinated, with over-the-top admiration because they felt I was pretty/beautiful. Same as how some Black men act. 

One time a white man called me pretty in front of these white women and it was so awkward. I joke that I bet they're in therapy because they can't believe a man called a Black girl pretty and not them.

This is hilarious. One time a little white boy saw me in ChikFilA in the little section where the kids play; and he said "You are too beautiful." 😄😄
Young kids think in concrete terms so since my physical features are not the beauty standards for princesses and such, it's amazing that any young kid of any color could see past the "beauty only looks this way" brainwashing. To think that a person can't be beautiful unless they look like the typical stereotype, is very common because the brainwashing is everywhere. So anyway, that is a cute story that I cherish because it shows that brown beauty can't be erased in real life like it can from the magazines, movies, Disney etc 

Separating My Healing From Race
Now moving on from race because race is not my burden! This site and healing is about me-me-me, not about race. I'm learning that there is a different between Blackness and me. I don't have to wrap all my life experiences into a race thing, but into a me thing. I don't have to keep carrying the entire burden of my race because then I certainly could never heal my own life. 

I'm a whole person, lol, I really am. 
 

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Growing Up Together and Growing Into Myself

We were in our mid-20's when we met and got married. We are now both pushing 50. Well he will be happy for me to say that I am pushing closer to 50 than he is lol.

We basically grew up together. And now that I've got some healing and halos to go along with that growing, let me say:

Dear Husband,
I fully accept your compliment
I receive it
I agree

And I don't agree just because I'm your wife
I agree because, well like you said, I am beautiful!