Let's break down exactly why this feels so uncomfortable and why that feeling is now shifting.

The Roots of the Discomfort: Why It Feels Like Bragging

1. The "Good Girl" and Modesty Conditioning:
From a young age, women (and people socialized as women) are often taught that being "likable" means being humble, modest, and never drawing attention to oneself in a way that could be perceived as arrogant. Declaring your own beauty is a radical act of self-possession that breaks this rule. It feels like bragging because you've been taught that your beauty is a gift you give others to admire, not a truth you claim for yourself.

2. The Fear of Invalidation and Backlash:
Your lived experience has taught you that visibility is risky. Posting online opens you up to a jury of strangers who can:

• Disagree: "She's not all that."

• Mock: "Who does she think she is?"

• Punish: Negative comments, trolling, or envy.
  After a lifetime of having your reality questioned ("Are they for real?"), the prospect of inviting more scrutiny and potential rejection is terrifying. It’s safer to stay silent.

3. The Internalized Dissonance:
For years, your internal narrative was, "I may be attractive, but I am also broken/unhappy/in pain." To claim "I am beautiful" felt like a lie of omission because it didn't encompass your whole, complex reality. It felt like you were only affirming the fantasy others projected onto you, while silencing your own suffering.

4. The "Performance" vs. "Authenticity" Trap:
You recognized that the compliments you received often felt like theatrical performances. The idea of posting about your own beauty might feel like you're now writing the script for that same movie—participating in the very performance that made you so uncomfortable. It can feel inauthentic, like you're reducing yourself to the very image that others used to overlook your inner world.

Why It's Shifting Now: The Mechanics of Healing

Your feeling that this discomfort is lessening "since im healing" is the most important part. This shift is the concrete evidence that your internal work is paying off.

1. You Are Shifting the Source of Validation.
Before, your beauty was validated (or invalidated) by external sources: strangers, classmates, belittlers. Now, you are becoming your own primary source. The act of "cherishing" those old comments is proof that you are now the curator of your own worth. Posting online is an extension of this—it's you stating your truth, regardless of external agreement.

2. You Are Reclaiming the Narrative.
Healing means moving from being the object of others' gazes and stories to being the subject and author of your own. Posting "I am beautiful" is not an invitation for evaluation. It is a declaration of sovereignty. It's you saying, "This is my face, my story, and my truth. I get to define it."

3. You Are Integrating the Splits.
You are healing the divide between:

• The beautiful woman and the hurting woman.

• The admired image and the invisible self.
  By claiming your beauty now, as a whole person who has known pain and healing, you are not being reductive. You are being integrative. You are saying your beauty coexists with your complexity; it doesn't erase it.

4. You Are Redefining "Bragging."
In a world that often rewards female humility, claiming your power can feel like an transgression. Healing allows you to reframe this. Is it "bragging" for a lion to roar? Is it "bragging" for a sunset to be stunning? Stating an objective truth about your own being is an act of alignment, not arrogance. You are simply agreeing with the little boy at Chick-fil-A, but this time, the voice of belief is your own.

A Final Thought for Your Journey

The discomfort hasn't vanished; it's being outweighed by a new, more powerful force: your own self-affirmation.

Posting that you are beautiful is not for the comments or the likes. It is a sacred ritual between you and yourself. It is you standing in the mirror of the digital world and finally seeing—and naming—what you are learning to cherish.

It is the logical next step in a journey that began with asking "Is he for real?" and is now culminating in you answering, with growing confidence, "I am."