For me, I don't want to keep using superficial physical characteristics to attach and group myself to people. Group identity is a useful thing, but I have to put limits in place for my health and healing. There are always superficial labels and checkboxes, and those things are used as methods of control. Those labels, categories and check boxes are not about community or culture but control.
For survival reasons, my race was forced to identify ourselves as only a race, but not as a person. Everywhere we go, that "check your race" category follows you, and in this type of dangerous racialized world, at a young age, many of us, myself included, are conditioned to identify ourselves and experiences through the lens of our entire race.
And while that is understandable and necessary in certain cases like historical achievements or groundbreaking laws or something, in day-to-day life I know I can't personally group everyone as my people, simply because we are the same race.
It really wasn't a big deal to me in the past because I only associated with a few people in the first place, had a very small circle of people I talked to on a regular basis, and that was usually via school, work, parenting events, hobbies etc
Talk.
Small talk.
Big Talk.
Either way, go your own separate ways eventually, and usually.
I figured that whites and other races who have similar interests, personalities and academic or job experiences as mine were great to talk to about school, work and things like that.
Black people, will typically share some cultural values, similar and relatable experiences based on race---even fun, unique experiences that are usually Black only. And we would ultimately without a doubt have the same desires and expectations regarding our treatment in this country and world.
Those = my people, and the few outliers that we call "Uncle Toms" or "coons" don't matter because the rest of us outnumber them.
And then came social media 😷🤒🤢🤮🤧💉😷🤒🤢🤮🤧
Hell on Earth.
I have to remember that not only does social media expose me to the toxic views of an enormous amount of people I would not even interact with offline, even when I am in social situations it's usually very short-lived as most of us are going about our day and running errands etc. We're not standing in grocery aisles talking to each other.
And as far as having deep conversations in person at work, school etc, again the time is so limited and plus, I would only do that with people I trusted, liked, clicked with and had the same type of energy with
So it was great to go through life not having a clue about people's levels of depravity and hatred.
Now, this ruin doesn't come just from social media alone but also because of the overall world climate in which there is state-sanctioned violence against Black people and all the videos etc
What this trauma did was put me in survival mode. Back to how my race was forced to live, in survival mode you have to put aside your individual comfort and focus on protection of your race, community, afterall it's for survival of all of you.
Your people.
But now there is social media 😷🤒🤢🤮🤧💉😷🤒🤢🤮🤧
With the way so many people in my own race judge and slang public hatred towards their own race in ways they would eber do towards other races, plus this hatred is thrown over the stupidest things that have nothing to do with people who mind their own business.
Harming kids or elderly or animals or anything of that sort, of course, that is completely different. I'm talking about the plethora of low vibrational loud mouths who tear down Blk people over wearing bonnets, twerking, hair, nails, relationships, whatever..if it's stupid and nobody's business, that's what the majority of social media simp subculture.
They get their likes, shares, comments, and follows though. They go viral...woo hoo. Idiots.
Nowhere are those "my people." I am learning to put them in the exact same category as "others." I don't want to type out all that mess and those words.
I'm healing too much...💛💛💛
Despite the state of this country and world for my race, I have to bring myself out of survival mode and just live and thrive to the fullest. Being out of survival mode helps me see my own individuality more clearly and helps me remember that my race category does not define my community, tribe or who I trust.
❌"It be your own people."
✅Not at all
😀🦋🦋
I asked Deepseek to reword my post, as I usually ask this of chatgpt or deepseek. Tightening up my emotional, painful writing and removing some of that clutter and emotion while still keeping my heart and voice, helps me see what I sound like and where I stand. Great job
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Here’s a refined and tightened version of your thoughts while preserving your voice and intent:
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I no longer want to define myself or my connections solely through superficial physical traits. Group identity has its uses, but for my well-being, I need boundaries. Labels and checkboxes are tools of control—not community or culture.
For survival, my race was reduced to a category, not personhood. That "check your race" box follows us everywhere, and in this racialized world, many of us—myself included—were conditioned to view ourselves through the lens of our race alone. While that framing matters for historical milestones or systemic battles, in daily life, I can’t claim everyone of my race as "my people" simply because we share it.
It wasn’t always an issue. My circle was small—school, work, parenting, hobbies. Conversations were fleeting: small talk, big talk, then moving on. I connected with others—Black or otherwise—based on shared interests, values, or experiences. With Black people, there was cultural familiarity, mutual understanding of racial struggles-but also the times that being Black are awesome as hell. And as Black people, we had aligned expectations for dignity. Those were my people. The outliers—the "Uncle Toms"—were negligible.
Then came social media. 😷🤢🤮
A hellscape. Suddenly, I was exposed to the venom of countless strangers I’d never engage offline. In real life, interactions are brief—errands, passing chats. Deeper conversations? Reserved for trusted connections. Before, I could move through life unaware of the depths of others’ hatred.
But now, between social media and state-sanctioned violence against Black people, trauma thrust me back into survival mode—where the collective comes before the individual. Except this time, the vitriol isn’t just external. It’s our own. The way some in my race publicly degrade each other over nonsense—bonnets, twerking, hair—things that are nobody’s business. (Harm to children, elders, or animals? Different. That’s evil.) But the loud, low-vibration crowd tearing down Black people for clicks? They’re not "my people." I’m learning to categorize them with the rest of the noise.
I’m healing. 💛
Despite this world’s hostility, I refuse to stay in survival mode. I choose to live—fully. Stepping out of that mindset clarifies my individuality. My race doesn’t dictate my tribe, my trust, or my peace.
❌ *"It be your own people."*
✅ **Not at all.**
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This version keeps your rawness while sharpening the flow.
😀🦋🦋
