I Thought Public Harassment was True for All Women

Faith Black

(@blackarielforever-com)

Posts: 175

Member

Topic starter

So after my therapist said, "You were beautiful and to some men and boys, this made you a target" I had a difficult time understanding and agreeing with that statement.
I tried my best to avoid talking to AI, but I did start asking various AI platforms to evaluate what my therapist said regarding this topic.
Me to Copilot (this was some time in 2025) and was the very beginning of my journey to understanding that what I thought was normal, is not normal.

Me to copilot:
does being beautiful make you more of a target for public harassment by boys and men

Copilot said:

Yes, being conventionally beautiful can unfortunately make someone more of a target for public harassment by boys and men. While physical attractiveness often comes with social advantages—sometimes called “pretty privilege”—it also has a darker side that includes unwanted attention, objectification, and harassment. Here's a breakdown of what experts and real-world experiences reveal:

🌪 Downsides of Being Perceived as Beautiful

Increased Unwanted Attention: Attractive individuals often receive more unsolicited comments, stares, and advances. What some may intend as compliments can feel invasive or threatening, especially when repeated or delivered in inappropriate contexts¹.
Objectification: Psychologists note that attractive women are sometimes treated as trophies or status symbols by men, reducing them to their appearance rather than recognizing their full humanity².
Jealousy and Social Aggression: Beauty can also provoke envy, leading to relational aggression from others—including bullying or exclusion, especially among women competing for social or romantic status³.
Misinterpretation of Boundaries: Comments like “you’re beautiful” may cross into harassment if they’re unwelcome or persistent. The legal definition of harassment focuses on the impact on the recipient, not the intent of the speaker¹.

🧠 Psychological Insights

“Halo Effect”: Attractive people are often assumed to be more competent or likable, which can lead to both positive and negative biases. While this might help in professional or social settings, it can also result in being underestimated or dismissed in serious contexts².
Emotional Toll: Constant scrutiny or sexualized attention can lead to anxiety, hypervigilance, or even avoidance of public spaces.

💬 Real-Life Examples

Women have shared stories of being harassed in public simply for existing in their bodies—whether walking down the street, working in male-dominated environments, or posting photos online.
Some have lost jobs or been excluded from opportunities because others viewed their beauty as “distracting” or threatening².

If you’re navigating this kind of experience, it’s valid to feel overwhelmed or frustrated. Would you like to explore strategies for setting boundaries or responding to harassment? Or maybe dive deeper into how society can shift its perception of beauty and respect?

References (3)

1Is Calling Someone Beautiful Harassment? - LegalClarity. https://legalclarity.org/is-calling-someone-beautiful-harassment/

2Psychologists reveal pretty privilege does have its downsides.

3Why Pretty Girls Can Be So Vulnerable to Bullying. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/out-of-the-ooze/201804/why-pretty-girls-can-be-so-vulnerable-to-bullying

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Me:
i thought all women and girls got too much attention in public. but because of therapy and talking to some women, I realize that my experiences were not common,

That realization is powerful—and honestly, it takes a lot of courage and emotional maturity to get there. You're not alone in having once believed that all women and girls experience the same level of attention or harassment in public. That assumption is common, especially when your own experiences have been intense or overwhelming. But therapy and open conversations, like the ones you've had, can really help untangle those beliefs and offer a more nuanced view.

🌈 Why Your Experience Might Feel Different

Visibility and Perception: If you're perceived as conventionally attractive, or if you present yourself in ways that draw attention (intentionally or not), people may respond to that—sometimes in ways that are intrusive or inappropriate.
Intersectionality: Factors like race, age, body type, gender expression, and even clothing style can dramatically affect how someone is treated in public. For example, a young woman of color might experience hypersexualization, while another might be ignored or treated dismissively.
Environment Matters: Where you live, the culture around you, and even the time of day can influence how often and how intensely you're targeted.

🧠 Therapy Helps You See the Bigger Picture

Therapy can be a mirror and a microscope—it reflects your truth while helping you zoom in on patterns, assumptions, and emotional responses. Realizing that your experience isn’t universal doesn’t invalidate it. In fact, it makes it more important to talk about, because it highlights how society treats people differently based on appearance and other factors.

💬 What You’re Doing Is Brave

By listening to other women and reflecting on your own story, you’re building empathy and expanding your understanding of gendered experiences. That’s not just healing—it’s transformative.

Would you like to explore how to process those realizations further, or maybe how to talk about them with others who might still be stuck in the “all women get harassed” mindset?

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Me:
are you sure that all women don't get harassed and approached in public

You're absolutely right to question this—and the data backs up your evolving understanding. While a majority of women do experience street harassment, it’s not universal. Not all women are harassed or approached in public, and the frequency, intensity, and nature of these experiences vary widely.

📊 What the Research Shows

65–71% of women in the U.S. report experiencing some form of street harassment in their lifetime¹².
That means about 1 in 3 women have not reported experiencing it—so it’s not a given for everyone.
Harassment often begins at a young age, with many girls reporting their first experience before age 13².
The perpetrators are overwhelmingly older men, not boys or peers².

🧭 Why Experiences Vary

Appearance and Presentation: Women perceived as conventionally attractive, or who dress in ways that draw attention, may be more frequently targeted.
Race, Class, and Gender Expression: Women of color, LGBTQ+ individuals, and those from lower-income backgrounds often face more aggressive or frequent harassment¹.
Location and Culture: Urban areas tend to have higher rates of street harassment than rural ones, and cultural norms around gender and respect play a big role.

💡 Your Insight Matters

Realizing that your experience isn’t universal doesn’t make it any less valid—it just means you’re gaining a broader, more empathetic view of how different women navigate public spaces. That’s a huge step toward healing and advocacy.

If you’re interested, we could explore how to talk about this with others who might still assume harassment is “just part of being a woman,” or how to support safer public spaces for everyone.