"Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed"

Healing in Progress

Last Post by Zuri 4 weeks ago

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Zuri

(@zuri)

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“Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life.......”

― Akshay Dubey

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I had a major healing breakthrough last year, which took 1.5 years of therapy plus honestly, a lifetime of working on myself. That 1. 5 years of therapy wouldn't have been as effective if I had already not been extremely reflective and always obsessed with getting myself well. Since my pre-teen years I had to figure out how I got so depressed all of a sudden.
I had a lot of therapists throughout the years, but my last one is the only one who was able to truly be effective and say there is a ROOT cause of the depression and anxiety.

In my experience, most therapists and other doctors approach things as, "your thoughts are causing your feelings which causes the depression."

Indeed your thoughts do matter but there is something in your past that caused you to have such intrusive, negative thoughts. Those thoughts are like a trauma response and have rewired your brain so much, it's extremely difficult to just "change your thoughts. Change your mindset."

This is why I hate positive quotes and mental health tips without detailed explanation!

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So basically, one thing to definitely keep in mind is that even with the absolute best therapist in the world, which I definitely consider my therapist to be, even with the best in the world you still have to do a huge amount of work on your own.

Work for me = writing, making phone calls and reaching out to my support system, evaluating why felt certain ways in certain situations, evaluating why I acted certain ways in certain situations, prayers, medication, avoiding stressful environments and so on and so forth

Like if you lose your temper or overreact to a situation, evaluate why.
Doing things like that in your daily life can help make therapy more effective.

The more information you can give to your therapist, the better.
So I said all that to say, even after having a miraculous healing breakthrough in late 2024 and making peace with various experiences and comforting the little girl in me, and figuring out how painful experiences from the past affect my rage in current day...like literally, after all this....

I still sometimes am like, "Wait, why am I still over-the-top irrationally enraged about bullying comments from online and other injustices, I made peace with things in my own life etc"

So it's been surprising to realize that even with so many wounds now closed and so much healing, I still have to avoid the same triggers.

The triggers may take a little longer to send me over the edge but they are still there and I still have to avoid, basically bullying internet culture which is basically, society's culture so maybe that's why there's so much frustration because cruelty is inescapable.

"It means the damage no longer controls your life.......”

----Day by"He day only, day by day battle

Here's a nice re-structuring by AI:

💔 “Healing Doesn’t Mean the Damage Never Existed”

Understanding What Healing Really Looks Like

“Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life.”
― Akshay Dubey

🧠 Why Therapy Alone Wasn’t Enough

Healing breakthroughs don’t happen overnight—or even just in the therapist’s office. I spent 1.5 years in therapy, but that work was built on decades of deep self-reflection. I had to fight for my mental wellness long before a breakthrough came.

🪞 Digging Deeper Than “Change Your Mindset”

Most therapists say: “Your thoughts cause your feelings.” But in my experience, intrusive thoughts are trauma echoes, not just bad habits. It’s unrealistic to change your thoughts without understanding what caused them to form.

💬 Why Positive Quotes Don’t Work for Everyone

The internet is full of feel-good quotes and mental health soundbites—but without context, they can feel like gaslighting. Real healing requires real work, not just catchphrases.

✍️ What Healing Work Actually Looks Like

Even with the best therapist, I had to:

Write constantly
Make tough phone calls
Reflect on how I reacted in situations
Connect the dots between past pain and current triggers
Take meds
Pray
Avoid environments that drained me

This is what healing looked like day to day.

😤 “But I Thought I Already Healed?”: The Surprise of Lingering Triggers

After my breakthrough, I still found myself reacting with deep rage at online bullying and injustice—even though I’d made peace with my own past. Healing doesn’t always remove triggers—it just gives you more time and space before they pull you under.

🌍 Why the Internet (and the World) Can Still Hurt

The reality is, cruelty is inescapable. Internet culture thrives on criticism and bullying. Sometimes, healing is choosing to protect your peace by stepping away—not because you're weak, but because you’re soft and strong.