One key thing will be when the horrible world's race injustices; all those numerous numerous numerous never-ending recent cases, as well as the centuries and centuries worth of unimaginable race horrors....
Wait, I'm having trouble even getting to the point because it all is still too much to even compartmentalize, too much to label, too much to stomach.
Let's try this again...
+So when anything dealing with this disgusting, useless crap called "race" comes to my mind, I won't feel like I'm being punched in the stomach, stomped in my heart and other physical symptoms that I have from the trauma, heartbreak, soul-crushing of this entire concept of race, skin color categories. Everything about "race" is nonsensical. But the lighter groups on top of the caste system, totally agrees with race concepts until some of us start saying Black this and Black that, if it's positive Blackness then it's all of a sudden, "We are all human."
To that I say....take that dismissive lie to hell.
+I have to get back to the point where problems of race won't even be coming to my mind, dominating my mind so much. The attacks on Blackness have been escalated so much in the recent decade, it's become a totally different existence than what it used to be. The normalcy is a struggle to maintain and to get back, but I will get my sense of normalcy back.
Will anything significant change in the world to help me heal? No. The only thing that will change is the information I absorb...basically, continuing to stay away from as much as I can.
+Basically, creating my own bubble, my own sense of peace. I acknowledge that I am privileged to be able to shelter myself like this. I'm done with school, & I'm out of the job market. I was holding on to social media as part of my working from home & it took some years to detach from my hard work, but I have let my pages go. 20,000 followers..
+I won't hardly be triggered again
The question is not what triggers me but practically what doesn't, cause almost everything does right now. You know, idiots who judge others based on skin color are everywhere and the reason why my wounds are opened and just everything practically you can think of because that's just the way this world and society is built on: "top race, bottom race, race, skin color, hair, texture" etc it's all sooooooo stupid. I can't believe I have to exist in this type of cesspool where everything from education, healthcare, beauty, the economy, food, cooking, just everything is based on skin color.
That's the setup of the entire globe.
So I have to be to the point where I know this into intellectually but I stop letting it invade my mind my spirit and my heart. It's poison, it's deadly. This is the recovery phase that I'm in now. Cleansing my mind, body and soul from everything related to race. It's not racism, it's about race. Because race itself is a total disgusting and illogical concept so there can never be justice, freedom, peace nor humanity as long as people are put into these dumb race categories.
The human species has been such an epic failure, that this concept of race and colorism (light being considered better) is here to stay. Unless we're talking about some progress being made 1k years from now when humans look totally different or whatever.
+So these wounds need to be closed. They are never going to fully go away. How can you logically have no wounds from something that's so insanely absurd? How can you even 100% heal from something like race and colorism, that makes no fuckin sense to begin with? How can you fight against something that makes no sense, but keeps winning at every turn?
Anyway, now there are plenty of Black people who are not affected to the level I am & that's great, hopeful, promising. I'm talking about the Black people who 100% acknowledge racism. I'm not talking about the idiots out there who refuse to believe that anti-black racism rules the globe. It's too painful for those idiots to admit, so they build their platforms off demonizing and obsessing over Black people who tell it like it is.
Anyway, forget those parasites. I'll know I'm healed when those types don't even cross my beautiful mind, and if I hear anything about them, I'll be like "Oh. Who? Nobody."
+I'll know I'm healed when I (unfortunately) hear of another injustice and while I'll hate to hear it, I won't internalize it deep in my heart to where I take it personally, like it happened to me or a loved one.
Key thing is my therapist said & I figured it out on my own as well, that it's my personal trauma that led me to obsess over mistreatment of people, and that mistreatment leads to world injustices.
These things are too overwhelming and impossible to take on
So continuing to heal from my own personal experiences will be the foundation to breaking free from all this pain of world injustice and suffering of others
+I can't have any more setbacks. I was doing much better until that damn election set me back
+I predict, I'll be able to say I'm free from the worst of the pain, and healed enough to where my wounds still exist but are closed never to be opened again, and the triggers from society that open my wounds, are less and less powerful, very minimum to the point where I can be exposed to more things in society (like back to watching sports, movies, some TV etc)....never back to social media and search engine (Googling) searches though...never back to news, politics, celebrity news and all that
So, woooh chile, I look forward to that level of normalcy and me-ness again. I love me and the life I've been given. The problem is the world...
Barring that no personal challenges arise (cause that's just life unfortunately), but I'm talking about deep, no more race pain
1.5 to 2 years
😀🦋🦋
