1/13/25
The family gathering from Thanksgiving 🧡Fixing my Heart During Thanksgiving🧡 – 🌻Healing in Progress – Healing & Halos Forum
plus all my other hard work regarding working on my thought patterns and finding safe havens within my own mind, has me just doing very very well. I am very happy.
Sometimes I do get really irritated when the never-ending assault of race topics swarm my mind, but the pain is much less severe. I am also practicing replacing my regular thought processes with new ways of processing the information.
Same trauma topics, but instead of my mind staying on the same path, a righteous, rightful path where all the facts just add up to extreme pain...I am practicing guiding my mind on another path, another way to process the horrors
I have to focus less on the plethora of facts and connections and history etc and so on, and just start focusing on tiny bits and pieces that I can process, and also I have to keep these thoughts on the surface level and not journey deep in all that horror.
Way back, I used to go to these large botanical gardens and practice photography. I memorized my way through those acres, but sometimes there's no need to take the same path, sometimes I was like "I'm running out of time so I will skip this area and turn right on this pathway so I can be done quicker, or so I can see views and flowers that I wasn't as familiar with."
The long, extensive path of evaluating and obsessing and internalizing every single solitary aspect of race that my mind can humanly hold, that is not a walk, not a part of the garden journey I need to continue taking. I know what's there already. I've been taking the same painful path for too many years and I will never ever ever come out feeling any different, any better.
There is absolutely no healing, no resolution, no new life, no reason for me to keep taking the same exhausting route in the large garden.
I have to get out of there and go home because these gardens close at sundown. Now this is actually me talking about the real gardens that I used to visit all the time lol I had a membership!🌷🌷🌷 I specifically remember when I was running out of time one day and though I wanted to go in a certain section, I skipped it since I had already been there so many times before. I decided to go in the section that was newer to me
So this is how I have to be when thoughts and memories about race come to my mind: "I've been there before. Time to walk a different path."
Revisiting what I wrote from November:
Goal
To type type type, talk talk talk, think think think...live live live without "the other side" taking up any space in my thoughts, mind, spirit and getting all my life to feeling back beautiful again
To be able to fully enjoy my little online space without remembering or caring about any of the horrible people that plague the rest of the Internet, social media and world
Current:
This is going awesome, I am thoroughly enjoying finding, creating and posting art and organizing all my old writings to over here. Basically also decluttering my digital life....too many files everywhere, too many emails etc
The biggest risk is going through my old posts on Facebook🤢more like nausea book, and not having any desire to visit anyone's pages or scroll or allow my eyes to see garbage. I don't care nor do I want to care what any damn body is saying on social media.
But okay, I do briefly stop by very few pages lol, very briefly and I make sure I do not absorb anywhere near too much information. I do want to feel healed enough and strong enough to be able to briefly see what, let's say, Heather Cox Richardson has posted. Just brief fast reading.
I also typed in about the LA fires to see some of the images but after like 2 minutes I had to stop because I was in looney booney land...idiots. I also wasn't sure what was real vs what was AI. I do watch the weather channel to get the latest and to get the science information, however, they don't show as many images and videos as they used to back in the day and I'm certainly going nowhere near CNN, MSNBC etc
In those cases it's also good to follow someone who has been directly affected, but that's very risky too. I just find the fire storm to be a huge, rare, historical deal and it's very difficult to get a bunch of information on it in a safe environment so that is just the way it's been for years but it's way more critical now to watch every step I'm taking because Ive come too far on this healing journey
😀🦋🦋
