😇😇I've earned so many halos this year and have come so far. 
I absolutely still can't handle racial injustices and tragedies against children and animals, but what I've learned is that healing is not about being absent from the pain, it is about the pain being controlled enough to where I can still breath, function, and live for me.
I'm not in a constant state of "We gotta burn the coun...." 🔥🔥

As long as I avoid the tragic stories, my brain, my nervous system stays out of "fight or flight" mode. 
And when I am exposed to racial injustices or harm against children or animals, my brain takes slightly longer to "pop off" and I mean, it's just like it sounds, pop off into rage. And since it's impossible to stay in a rage, when I drop down and crash, then I fully feel the deep pain

I've learned that this is why the rage, hate and anger is comfortable. Because the hate and anger keeps me from feeling the pain which would be constant pain with absolutely little to no relief; however, when in a rage, it's just temporary.

That's the way of the world. A bunch of people comfortable with their hatred because it's more comfortable than pain and sorrow; and they refuse to do anything to help themselves. Much easier to keep blaming "them" or "this group" or "that group" or this political party or this, that and the other blah blah blah, blah blah blah

I have no sympathy, care or concern for people who refuse to do the work to better themselves.

Even though my rage is righteous and justified, baby I wanted better for myself. 
I need to feel better, even in the midst of all the ongoing injustices.
I had to figure out how to save my own health and self, and improve my life, despite what is going on around me.

Initially this seemed impossible.

Initially I was like, "The world is a horrible place, I hate the world, I hate people, blah blah blah, how can I not feel the flames when everything around me is burning?
Children's rights, animal rights, humanity not being determined by skin color and fake racial groups...

That type of world is not happening, so how the hell am I supposed to not be enraged and hurting?

BOUNDARIES: Learning to separate myself from the world and from racial or gender titles the world gave me

The hurt is always there, but it's not supposed to take over my life.

Therapist was like, if you hit your thumb with a hammer; that level of pain should start to drop off eventually. It's not supposed to stay as intense as when you first injured yourself.

This was all new to me. And I did so so so much incredibly hard work and figuring out how to encourage my brain to be calm, and only I could figure this out. Not my therapist. It's like how it's your body so a professional can only do so much, but if you want to lose weight or whatever you're trying to do, you have to be the one to learn your own body.

Same thing with the brain. I had to figure out what works best to keep my brain calm and from going off on the deep end every time I thought of injustices or every time I heard about something.

The pain and rage are still there, but they are just controlled and managed by me, rather than me flying off onto the deep end