This is epic level healing. I mean, epic. I will try not be too long winded. So I was looking for some Black drama or Black romance movies and you know how streaming services play little snippets of the movies.

So a snippet was playing with this guy all angry at and berating this young woman, though she was not saying anything back to him. 
Definitely is not something I would ever click on. I let it play because his level of rage seemed too real and very uncomfortable for me to watch.
On no planet do I need to see the typical toxic and stereotypical portrayal of people who look like me

So anyway, dude says a disgusting, stereotypical trash statement that I will not repeat because repeating it gives it power and makes it seem like these people are worthy of a thought, response or time.

Trash takes from trash people do not need to be debated, analyzed, proven wrong, shared, yada yada yada.. People like me have spent too many years arguing online with fools we would never engage with in person unless it was by force lol.

I have to stop following people who, though I 100% agree with their posts, I'm tired of them re-sharing and highlighting terrible people.
We have more than enough evidence to know that debates don't work

But the lying line is one that's been regurgitated over and over: "see this is why we date ___________"

Alright. No need to type that trash out...

But I'm so shocked that when he said it, I didn't react at all like I normally would. 
I would usually go into a rage and be hurt for days or until the next insult came around for me to be hurt over.
I also would have violent thoughts towards the guy and all those who think like him.

Man. Not for 1 second did this fool's nastiness nowhere near begin to hurt me.

Now factually speaking, yes, people who make those racist and misogynistic, (and more specific in this case misogynoir) comments and put them in movies and music and online, yes they need to be dealt with. Yes they contribute to violence. Yes, it's all dangerous and dehumanizing.

But that is an indescribable and unimaginable amount of pain and burden to carry and thus where my rage was coming from.

And those facts won't change. Those depressing facts about how mindsets and words and posts lead to violence, are 100% true and not exaggerations.
Facts.

So I have been so confused and like "how can I heal when the world is not changing for the better? How can I be okay when those type of dangerous, hateful words just roll off people's tongues and thus justify more and more bloodshed against those they deem unworthy?

I thought my healing had to come from outside of me:
a change in laws, a positive change in culture, end of colorism, equal justice, education, upliftment and so on and so on. 

But I had to realize that that type of world has never existed. I don't follow any religion anymore, but basically this place has been a mess since Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel. 

Thus, the healing is coming from so many different layers of life within me. Not outside of me. Purely me.

I know and love who I am without all of these man-made labels, history, conditioning and so on. But my own purity, my own light and my own darkness, my own energy is where my healing is coming from.

So when I heard the comment I was like, oh really? 

I went and shared with my husband how amazed and shocked I was, because once again, these types of triggers come out of nowhere, catch me off guard, and so it's not like I would ever choose to go into a rage. It would just be automatic.
 
And it would automatic because it would be nervous system overload, (fight or flight) hypervigilance and hyper everything until I'd just explode.

So by daily practicing of regulating my mind, practicing so many types of techniques that work for me and only me, because everyone has to find what works for them. But figuring out what works for me, so when the trigger comes it has no power over me like it used to.

And since the power is taken away, I'm able to see more clearly just how stupid these guys are that say "That's why we date ________?"
🤣🤣That doesn't mean their comments should just be ignored, those type of losers need to be handled because like I said, they are perpetuating violence.

They embolden deadly systems so they need to be dealt with in ways that I'm not equipped for. It will take a lot of power to fracture these hate systems and that's not something that's even realistic at this point, unfortunately. Humans are self-destructing in every which way.

And then some women are turning around and saying the same thing, and again, they are idiots too.  

So I told my husband, I just look at that guy and men like him...as say, just some who had too much to drink, chew or snort or whatever and their bodies are regurgitating and pooping out trash that is inside of them. Inside of their bodies, their minds, their stomachs...

What they are saying has nothing to do with me even if I'm in the category they are putting down. The fact is, what comes out of them reveals what's inside of them. It's impossible for them to have any type of healthy relationships with anyone. 

They rolling around sitting in their own excrements, and keep refilling themselves with their own excrements, and it's just the same cycle over and over and over.
The hatred is something they decide put their own bodies, and just because it's coming out where I can see it, doesn't mean it has anything to do with me. So baby, back up and out and away from those types of people who can't control what they internalize and how they expel it.

I learned something so weird way back decades ago in Gross Anatomy when I was in Optometry school:
S.L.U.D.E.
This for people who continue to recite the same ole centuries worth of lies that place groups of entire people below or above other groups of people
They're drowning in their own salivation, lacrimation, urination, defecation and emesis
This is for all hateful people in the world but of course, no one ever thinks they're hateful that's why I said, "If you think any group deserves better than another group" for any reason at all....Slude
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“If you’ve ever absorbed the teachings that some people matter more than others.”

“If you believe—consciously or unconsciously—that some groups of people are more valuable, capable, deserving, or moral than others…”