You Can Heal Now
💞My parents did everything right
🌍The world is my wound; and that’s just how it is for some people
&
💞In the midst of this healing journey,
my husband told me:
He was talking about my body and my face.
And he said it’s not just because I’m his wife, but because, I am.
I literally had to learn this & I can totally accept and understand it now
***
Therapist:
“The more attention you attract,
the more likely you are to experience a higher rate of negative attention.”
“You were beautiful. And to some men and boys, that made you a target.”
So this is what I’ve been unpacking and processing the past few years
It’s been a long journey
I never thought of my life that way
Even though I grew up hearing:
“She’s going to be very fine when she grows up.”
(As in my figure)
“She’s going to have a lot of boyfriends when she grows up.”
(As in my face)
There were so many negative, cruel comments as well
So combining it all together:
Makes my therapist’s statements make more and more sense.
💐100% Black Girl With the Black Girl Hair
My life doesn’t fit the typical narratives out there
Even though I was not the Hollywood beauty standard
I was sometimes romanticized; like you would see in a romantic movie
This came from both races of men
My life really defies all the typical scripts out there
I still didn’t think anything of it until I had to start examining my therapists’ comments
“Too much attention” will follow you in whatever different environments you’re in
This is why different races of men reacted to me with the same intensity
I’ve learned that their romanticization blurred the lines between their fantasies and my reality
***
***
If you’re getting that much public space attention
Starting as a little child and continuing well into your 30’s,
It is going to be a mix of:
Negative, positive, harmless, neutral, predatory, inappropriate, cruel, dangerous…
and some you have no idea how to categorize
So it all just lands….hard.
Confusing, and wounding.
And very often, the positive would backfire
Exhausting.
Also, negative comments have a greater impact than very positive ones
Scientific proof, so it’s not about being “weak, too sensitive, or having bad nerves”
For healing though, I have got to make sure I make more room for the positive memories
And well that’s all for now.
You Can Heal Now
🤣 But stop using social media unless you only use it to post healing information.
Teen me: what’s social media?
I am going to let my nervous system just sit with this amazing work for a while, before adding more.
Just let it sit and glow.
I could not be more proud
-Zuri Faith Black