I have gratefully and thankfully been spending much less time on social media, practically stopped posting on my business pages, stopped scrolling, stopped checking in even on positive pages. I just had to let it all go, even watching the beautiful animals because the negative, bullying people are always just a scroll or 2 away. I can’t take that. However, with the recent excitement surrounding Kamala, I have been obsessed with that level of support & started back spending time on social.
Here’s what I posted today on FB
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Hallelujah!!! And I’m so happy for the other beautiful brown girl, Rebeca Andrade from Brazil taking the Silver.
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I’ve been off social media, I just came back for a few days & man, it’s still so unbelievable.
FB doesn’t hardly show my friend’s list posts, it keeps showing me people I don’t follow & that’s how I keep seeing the hatred that’s out there…just hateful and miserable people complaining and spewing hate over things that have nothing to do with their mistake of an existence.
Just don’t watch the damn Olympics if you got a problem with it. Why is that so hard for these parasites to do!?
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Anyway,..so it’s been a year of therapy + spiritual work to help me stop wanting to fight & unalive negative people, and as you can see we ain’t there at all yet 
I gotta stay off social!!
I gotta stay off social!!
At least I’m learning what’s wrong with me even though I don’t like the answer.
I keep being like, why does my therapist keep saying I have PTSD….ain’t nothing happened to me.
But he keeps saying a lot has happened to me, so much that if someone survived a singular traumatic event like a mass shooting they would have an easier time healing than me…who had ongoing trauma which put me in a constant state of fight or flight…hypervigilant mode.
I’m like…what trauma? I never got hurt so I’m fine. But he says that’s not how the brain works when it comes to danger, safety and survival.
I’ve been hoping for a therapist who understood the brain and can explain what happened to me….now that he is doing just that, I’m in denial.
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(Trigger warning)
Okay, so I had physical fights with boys and lots of other drama but those boys were dealing with being from bad home environments and I just was in their way at the wrong times. 100% no hard feelings from me.
As I got more into my pre-teens & through my 20’s, I started getting more and more uncomfortable attention from aggressive type of boys and men. I would just be minding my own business & it’s just really too much to go into…but I thought all girls were going through the same things….and I never told anyone my stories.
Never told a soul and no other therapist had ever asked me about my past so this has gone undetected for quite some time
I thought it was just a common part of being a girl and having to deal with the wrong type of boys and men who really think they have a right to treat you like you’re an object.
Obviously it’s common but that doesn’t make it any less damaging.
I swear, all I see is my flaws most of the time but a lot of boys, men would tell me over & over how attracted they were to me. They would be very respectful
When it came to other types, I learned to think quickly on my feet and be able to 1)not offend inappropriate guy and make him angry or angrier 2)get the message across clearly that my answer is NO so leave me alone
Now, again, many guys who approached me were respectful but it appears it still couldn’t erase the damage from the bad experiences.
I truly thought all women and girls dealt with getting too much attention so again, I never thought anything was unique or traumatic about my stories. Let me clarify that this is all when I was young. I’m well into my 40s now & not a single guy tries to hit on me anymore.
Lol, I do not miss it! I love my age!
Logically I know my therapist is right but I still have a hard time accepting that I’ve been harassed so much that it traumatized me & causes me so much rage to this very day…but in the mean time I’m enjoying any amazing Black woman success and happiness I can 
And go Kamala. 
And go Kamala.